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Tuesday, May 16, 2006

I admittedly eat McDonalds about three times a month. Today was one such day. As I pulled through the drive-thru, I wondered why the three people helping me - one taking my money and two getting me my food - were, well, so huge. I was thinking to myself that maybe McDonalds could use a new hiring policy. After all, a little PR facelift couldn't hurt, right?

The new plan is simple: take a page out of the Hooters Playbook. The next time you go to a decent restaurant, observe the reality that the restaurant has done the ol' playbook switch-a-roo. In fact, let's just refer to it as the Human Nature Playbook in order to forego any preconceptions. Chances are the hostess (always female. shocker.) is wearing pants that could possibly double as a wet suit. Everyone uses The Playbook. McDonalds needs to hop onboard.

People don't want to be whales. They want to be hot. And whether or not the 60 oz. Coke and Big Mac you just handed me will affect that dream becomes irrelevant when the man doing the handing is the size of a major kitchen appliance. People are begging to be deceived. That's what commerce is, really - a series of deceits and misconceptions. There is no deception when Shamu wrestles her pudgy arms through the window to hand me my calorie-packed lunch. I can already feel coronary failure taking hold and I want to peel out of there. Deceive me, McDonalds. At least lower the male maximum weight to 200, unless they're built like a Denver Broncos linebacker.

My burger was good, by the way.

posted at 4:58 PM by Randy


I've decided to go ahead and take this blog completely toward politics/economy. It's all I talk about anyway. Remember, you can email me at randy [at] circularlife [dot] com or use the chat box in the lower right.